Inside The Baking Tent
by cynicismandrainbows
Summary: GBBO Pupcake Au.


Her dough is too wet. She can tell before she even sinks her hands into it, and somehow no matter what she does, it remains so, clinging to her fingers with an insistence that quickly progresses from merely irritating to genuinely frightening.

It is an elimination competition after all, and her _katah_ had been deemed merely passable by the judges that morning- even Louise, who normally is pleasantly positive, had seemed let down.

As much as she wants to impress Delia (and she does want to impress her, she has admitted that much to herself)- to appear not just charming and funny but cultured and intelligent too (and Delia is intelligent- Patsy has watched enough Bake Off reruns during the last couple of weeks to catch glimpses of the sharp intellect that is usually obscured by her lighthearted and easy going screen demeanour) she bitterly regrets her brief foray into Armenian cuisine.

It was wasted anyway- Delia has been absent all morning. In between worrying about her dough, Patsy is wondering if Delia is alright- in all the reruns she has watched (and she has watched a LOT) Delia has never missed an entire baking session.

(She's only been watching the reruns to get an idea of the competition of course. Not to hear Delia's _voice_ or anything. And Patsy is personally quite proud of herself for utterly how unaffected she has remained in regards to the warmth of Delia's smile, the way her way her dimples show when she laughs, the easy way she carries herself as if she is utterly comfortable in her own skin.)

 _What must that feel like?_

'My dear! You seem to have created a veritable swamp!'

It's the judges- worse, it's Antonia. Patsy likes the old woman- at least she thinks she does. At least, she respects her- her seemingly boundless knowledge of mythology, theology, philosophy, her razor wit, her admittedly impressive baking skills. And she must admit, she has had to hide her own smile on more than one occasion when Antonia has used her talent for repartee to deliver a stinging-but-highly-amusing critique of another baker's technique. But she knows it's much less fun being on the receiving end.

Worst, it's bread week, and it is a well-known fact that Antonia becomes far more irascible in the absence of sugar.

' A Lernaean Hydra would feel most at home within your bowl- and if that was your goal, then I must applaud your finesse. _If_ , however, you have in fact been attempting a bread dough…' Her mouth tightens in disapproval 'I would advise less moisture, for fear a serpent takes up residence at your baking station. For at present, it is fit for nothing more.'

Ouch.

She's normally very good at taking criticism- but today it hits her harder than she'd care to admit: perhaps it's the inevitableness of it all. At work, she can usually fix any mistakes before they're irrevocable. At university, she got used to seeing criticism- however harsh- as path to improvement. But here, there's nothing she can do- her bread dough isn't getting better, there isn't time to remake it and there won't be a second chance when it comes to the judging.

And Delia is still missing.

Patsy is forced to admit that if she is eliminated now, the chances of her seeing Delia again are slim: as close as they've become over the course of the series (and they _have_ grown close: she's gotten into the habit of saving Delia little tastes of whatever she makes, Delia seems personally invested when Patsy removes her bakes from the oven and while they spend a lot of time with the other competitors, they always manage to scoop out a few moments just the two of them, usually ending up helpless with laughter.)

But it's the show that keeps them close- Patsy doesn't have any contact information for Delia, hasn't even dared to friend her on facebook. It's not that she doesn't want to, more that she is terrified of asking Delia and then seeing reluctance in her. And she's sure she will see reluctance.

After Antonia leaves (making a pointed beeline towards the only baker doing a sweet bake- a slightly dry looking but wonderful smelling panettone), it occurs to Patsy that she might be missing Delia rather more than she should be, more than the others are.

True, Trixie had mentioned Delia's absence at lunch and wondered aloud whether she was sick- but she had been so very casual about it! Patsy had had to deliberately force herself _not_ to say anything about it, afraid that she'd find herself obsessing over it too obviously, that she'd sound too involved for something so small- but Trixie had mentioned it so lightly- and then the conversation had moved right on.

Is Patsy really the only one dwelling on it so- for a moment she wonders how they are able to be so disinterested: don't they notice how much quieter the baking tent is without Delia's laughing, her teasing- how much harsher everything sounds without Delia's soft Welsh lilt underlying it, how Barbara's voice as she called out the traditional 'Ready, set, bake!' earlier sounded wrong- too thin- on it's own?

(Actually, she could bet that Barbara, at least, _has_ noticed- she seems a little lost without Delia's presence at her side and Patsy appreciates for a moment how much more confidence Delia gives the other girl.)

Most of all, didn't everyone notice how much more criticisms seared when Delia wasn't across the tent to catch one's eye and offer a wink or a smile?

Barbara made her way to Patsy's workstation once Antonia was a safe distance away, obviously not wanting to set off another Hydra-based critique.

'I see you've caught the sharp side of Antonia's tongue today, Patsy.'

'Well, it has to be somebody.'

'It's times like this I'm happy I get to sample the offerings rather than make them- this is proving a hard week for lots of our bakers. Maybe we should have done two weeks of biscuits instead of bread!'

(Patsy is sure Barbara wouldn't have minded that- despite their differing temperaments, Barbara and Antonia are at least alike in their predilection for confectionery.)

Patsy gives a slightly strained smile. She finds she really doesn't have the energy for making herself television friendly- especially as this might be her last week.

'Delia chose the right week to miss.' _And I wish she hadn't._

'I agree- Delia, if you're watching, you're an utter scoundrel for abandoning us all in the most trying week yet! And-' Barbara turns back to Patsy, from where she had been speaking directly to the camera, '-of course you must be feeling Delia's absence more than most of us.'

Patsy freezes. Oh god. Has she been that obvious?

Shame warms her cheeks- she dips her head, and finds herself staring at the dusting of spilt flour on her worksurface. She hasn't been told how they're planning on editing this series- but she knows enough now to be aware that every series has a running joke, something constant that they keep referring back to- a this bakers overuse of alcohol for example, that baker's trademark lipstick or signature line. Is it possible that this series the running joke is _her?_

She thinks of all the times she has looked up to catch Delia's eye, all the times she has engaged her in conversation- are they all just forming part of a running joke, her neediness becoming a trademark?

'What do you mean?' It sounds stilted- in fact, it's an effort to get the words out at all.

Barbara looks a little nonplussed.

'Well only that-'

'I don't know what you're talking about- you can hardly imagine you've gotten a handle on all of us so soon into the competition, can you?' Patsy's humiliation makes her want to hide but it can also make her cutting. 'When all you really do is taste the batter?'

It's a mistake. She knows it as soon as she says it- no matter what Barbara meant, even if what she fears is true, it isn't Barbara's fault and jibes won't make her feel better.

She feels worse, in fact- partly it's the tiny, almost imperceptible flinch Barbara gives at the words, partly it's the knowledge that she knows she's not the only one implying that Barbara isn't terribly important: there's a small but vocal section of twitter who since the show's beginning have publicised how little store they set towards Barbara- her looks, her comedic potential, her contribution to the show as a whole are routinely questioned. Patsy was vaguely aware of this long before she even applied for the show herself- and if she was aware, how much more aware of it much Barbara be?

'Well' To her credit, Barbara recovers quickly- in a split second, she is smiling again and all self- deprecating humour 'That is true- between you and me, I still have to write half your names on my hand before the show starts- but I meant we've all noticed that Delia is the only one to persistently steal at least half your batter. It must be quite a novelty to actually be baking with all the mixture you started off with!'

The immensity of the relief that Barbara was in fact referring to nothing more serious than Delia penchant for stealing fingerfulls of batter makes Patsy almost sway where she stands; at the same moment, Barbara turns on her heel and leaves, walking a little more quickly than usual to the front of the tent and less difficult contestants.

The taste of guilt is bitter in her throat.

In the end, she can tell her Kaiser rolls are undercooked even as she takes them up to the judges, and it comes as no surprise when they slice one open to reveal a damply stodgy inside.

Antonia refuses to even taste it, although by the time Patsy comes to the front, she has refused to sample three of the four prior bakes (making an exception of course for the panettone), claiming that 'there is too much disappointment already in this world without me adding to it of my own free will. Our lord compels us to ask, for it shall be given unto you- I scarcely think in the light of such that asking for a little sweetness is unreasonable!'

Louise nibbles a piece of the crust that she has dislodged from the top, talking about proving time and the importance of ensuring optimum conditions for rising.

'As far as flavours go, you've done a little better here you have with the consistency of the dough- the tarragon was an ambitious but interesting choice- but ultimately it's the basics which have let you down here'

Patsy nods mutely and carries her tray back to her station at the back of her tent. She is aware of Trixie trying to catch her eye as she goes past, she's whispering something that sounds like 'Bad luck', sympathetically- but Patsy deliberately pretends not to hear. She doesn't want sympathy. What she would like- please, if there is a god up there- is to not let her crushing disappointment show anywhere on her face, at least not when the cameras are on her.

When she reaches the safety of her station, she keeps her back straight and her eyes fixed at a point somewhere near to the ceiling.

In control. Just like always.

They're dismissed, as usual, while the bakers are judging. Trixie tries to talk to her again, as she passes by to the opening of the tent, but Patsy finds she can't bear the thought of talking about it, of having to explain what happened with her dough, with Barbara (she can't pretend to herself that no one else heard her snap- the workstations are far too close together and Trixie is right in front of her after all) and she brushes her off with a brusque 'Just leave it alone, alright?' as she passes,. Cutting Trixie off mid sentence.

Wonderful. Another person she's managed to alienate.

 _It doesn't take long, does it?_

Outside, she takes a long drag on her cigarette, and when a pigeon comes to scratch near her feet (perhaps hoping for an encore of the previous week- Delia had joined her with a handful of cake crumbs swept up from the workstations and they'd fed him, until more had gathered and they;d ended up in the middle of a small flock, laughing and discussing whether pigeon taming constituted a real profession they could take up after the series) she sighs and taps her foot to scare him away.

He narrows a beady red eye at her and then retreats, looking back accusingly, Patsy thinks.

Now she's even managing to make the local wildlife hate her.

She wonders if maybe that's why Delia is missing- she's done something or said something that has hurt her or scared her off- not that she can remember saying anything that could be deemed potentially offensive- but then she can't remember everything she's said to Delia since the series started, they talk every day of filming, every chance they have, after all. She's been revelling in the easiness of it all- the feeling that she can say nearly anything and everything to Delia- but now she knows she should've been more cautious. She is guarded with people for a reason, for goodness sake. She should have learnt by now that letting too much of her real self out will not end well- and today has been perfect proof of that. She somehow manages to drive everyone away- and on the rare times it isn't deliberate, she manages it effortlessly anyway.

She really will miss Delia.

If only-

'Hello, Pats'

A pair of yellow doc martins have appeared beside her.

Delia has appeared at Patsys elbow, smiling as easily as if she'd never been away.

'Have you missed me while I've been gone?'

Patsy wants to answer, but she's done such a wonderful job of convincing herself that Delia will never speak to her again that it's tricky. Delia is looking so happy to see her, whereas Patsy can't quite manage to smile back and her throat is finding itself to be unaccountably tight.

'Pats?'

'You're back.'

Delia laughs, a little embarrassed. 'Yes- I don't think anyone has ever been THIS late to work in the whole history of filming!'

'What happened?'

'Car trouble- I really need to send it to a mechanic but I keep putting it off. They said I could sort the car thing out and just come in tomorrow- mostly because it would be too disruptive to have me popping up half way through apparently, especially as I couldn't even say WHEN exactly I'd be here- but I couldn't bear not to come in for a moment to see how you were doing!'

She grins at Patsy. 'I missed being able to steal a taste of your batter- did it put you off doing your bake with everything you started with?'

'That's what Barbara said.'

'Mm- she told me. She…..also said you seemed a little on edge today, Pats.'

There is only the slightest hint of chiding in Delia's tone- she certainly couldn't be described to actually be sounding annoyed with Patsy- but on top of everything else today, it's too much- obviously Barbara has told Delia what she said- how could she not- and surely Delia must have feelings about how she's treated her friend, even if she's too restrained to show them- and all at once, Patsy has to look away to hide how unaccountably wet her eyes are.

'I'm sorry. I was dreadful to her-you must'-'

'Pats?' Delias tone is inimitably gentle and somehow that makes her throat tighten even more. 'What's the matter?'

'I just-'

'Barbara didn't really say anything about you to me, you know- only that you were having a hard day. Did something happen between you?'

She can't speak.

'Pats?'

She tries to take a deep breath but it sounds like a sob, and then Delia's hand is on her arm.

'Come on Pats, let's sit down.' She leading her away, away from the tent- and thankfully away from any potential cameras- there's a stump on the edge of the woods that border the field on two sides and she presses Patsy down onto it gently, then kneels in front of her.

'Right, take your time. When you're ready, tell me what happened.'

Patsy tries but Delia shakes her head.

'When you're ready, I said. Take a minute Pats, we're in no rush.'

'The judging-'

'It'll add some excitement to make everyone think a presenter has absconded with a contestant- I don't think it's ever happened before.'

They sit in silence, Delia's hand warm on her arm, as she gulps and tries to get her breathing back to some semblance of normality.

'I was awful to Barbara earlier.'

'So you said. What happened? I'm sure it can't be as bad as you think- Barbara looks fine to me.'

'She said- she said something, and I snapped at her. I was- rude.'

'Oh Pats- is that all?'

'I said it was too soon for her to understand any of us, I said- that all she did was taste the batter...'

There's a pause and then a tiny breath of laughter from Delia- and her hand rubbing Patsy's arm, as if in reassurance that she isn't laughing AT her.

'Honestly, sweetheart- I've heard worse.'

'But-'

'And so has Babs. She isn't upset with you, I promise.'

'But she might be-'

'No- if she was, she would've mentioned it to me. Trust me, Babs can be pretty candid when she wants to be. Honestly, she said you were a little off today but also that you;ve been having a bad day and that you seemed quite stressed, that's all. She isn't holding a grudge. The baking challenge this morning was a bit tough on everyone I've heard?'

Patsy can't believe how easily Delia is brushing off what she's spent the last hour feeling so terribly awful for- but she's grateful all the same. Maybe she can talk to Barbara when they go back, apologise, without it being thrown back in her face.

'My katah was terrible. And my rolls just now.'

'Katah?'

'Armenian bread. The layers were all wrong.'

'Oh!' Delia looks delighted 'What a shame- I'd have loved to taste it! Still, that's impressively ambitious, really Pats- most people I think wouldn't have even thought of Armenian cuisine. You'll at least get points for being creative.'

'Really?'

'The only thing worse than a bad bake is a bad boring bake. If nothing else, you were original. As for today- well, everyone has off days.'

'I might get sent home, Deels'

'I know. I don't think you will though.'

'You're not a judge'

Delia beams- maybe just relieved that Patsy is up to light sarcasm again.

'I know- but I've listened to what they say, they take your previous weeks into account. And you've impressed them so far, you know.'

She pauses. 'You've impressed ME so far.'

'Honestly?'

'Of course! I wouldn't bother to steal from a bad baker after all!'

Patsy manages a watery smile and brushes at her eyes- Delia digs into the pocket of her blazer, hands her a tissue and Patsy takes it gratefully.

'Pats-' Delia looks serious 'Can I ask what Babs said to upset you? You don't have to say if you don't want to. But if it was a question or a topic or something you want to avoid in future, you can just tell me what it is and I'll let Babs know to stay off it in future. You don't have to tell me why or anything either. Just- if it helps-'

Maybe it's the sincere concern in Delia's face, how incredibly invested she seems in making sure Paty doesn't feel pressed- such a novelty- after all, most people take any hint of upset as their cue to push for juicy details- but she wants to be honest. Despite what Delia says, she's fairly sure she'll be eliminated anyhow, and she surely owes this girl honestly, after she's been so kind.

'She- ah- she said that I would be missing you. More than most people.'

'Ah. I see.'

'I thought she meant it was being used as….as a series joke.'

Delia looks serious. To her credit she doesn't pretend to misunderstand.

'Patsy. I need to apologise. I know I've been very informal with you. I swear, I've never wanted you to feel uncomfortable. I know it must've been hard with me being a presenter but I promise I never meant to-'

Is she- Patsy has to shake herself, initially confused by what Delia's saying- does she think Patsy was upset because she resented the implication that they are- that they could be- that they might be- that there might be...something between them?

Is she joking?

One look at Delia's face though, and Patsy knows she isn't.

'I know I've been very open about my- preferences and I suppose I have- unwittingly of course- given more- focus to you. I am sorry, Pats- I never meant to make you feel that there was any pressure on you to return my- to- I know you're straight, not that that matters when even if you weren't you- Oh god, this is going so badly-' Delia looks so flustered and Patsy heart squeezes. She has to say something.

'Delia...I-'

Delia stops, looking miserable and apologetic.

Patsy wants to say the perfect thing to make everything ok but of course words are never that easy.

'Delia- I- wasn't upset because I didn't- .'

'Pats?'

'I thought she was laughing at me' she bursts out eventually 'I thought- it seemed like she was laughing at- how much I like you. I thought I was being subtle and I was afraid-'

'Oh' Delia looks wrong footed 'Oh.'

'Yes.'

There's a moment, they both gather themselves. Waiting for the other to speak first. Patsy is almost holding her breath. This is the most honest she's been with anyone for- well, ever.

'I see.' Suddenly Delia smiles at her.

'Well- that's alright then'

'What do you mean?'

'You missed me. And I missed you. No one is being laughed at. And it seems both of us are good at misunderstanding the other. That's all.'

'I suppose so'

Delia seems so calm about it all- and somehow it helps Patsy feel calm too, like Delia is passing it on through osmosis.

'I'm quite glad to have it confirmed that I haven't been a nuisance to you, actually.'

'Oh! No. Definitely not. I- I don't even mind you stealing my batter.'

'Ah excellent. Not that I intended on stopping of course, even if you did mind. It's just too good!'

Delia grins at her, and Patsy finds herself smiling back.

'Are you alright now, Pats?'

'I think so. Does it-' she gestures to her face. What she wants to ask is 'Does it look like I've been crying? But she can't quite be that candid yet, despite everything.

Luckily, Delia understands immediately. 'No, not at all.'

Patsy takes a deep breath.

'Shall we go back then?'

'Yes. I suppose so. I can't steal you for too long or they send out a search party.'

And together, they make their way back to the tent.

The next day, Patsy brings a loaf of perfectly baked katah to the tent. She jokes that it's really just to prove that she can bake really, and it's shared among everyone, but she makes a point to hand the first slice to Barbara, the second to Trixie. The third to Delia.

It tastes delicious.


End file.
